Cannular problems

Today mum along with Jasmine came to see me. She could hear me crying from a distance. And its not difficult for her to recognize my voice. Though it is not difficult for anybody to guess that its me who is crying. They say I am the loudest. I don’t know weather to take that as a compliment or otherwise. When she came near me she found me on my tummy. Immediately she realised why I was crying. There was blood all over my wrist where cannula was. Cannula is the tube that takes fluids and medicines directly into my veins. Mum panicked and called the nurse Sarah. She immediately took off my cannula. Mum gave me dummy to pacify me. But it was an anti-cannula day. The second cannula on the other arm stopped working. You might be wondering how many cannulas I have. Yes more than one, one for continuous TPN I am having, that is my feed. Another one is for medicines, my antibiotics. As first resource when a cannula stops working it needs flushing just like blocked drainages you may better know. But this flushing was of no use. As without the cannula I wasn’t getting any feed or antibiotics, this was an emergency. New cannula needs to be put in me. This is a specialist job (no DIY), so the doctor was called. Doctors must be getting frustrated with me. They had changed the cannula yesterday and now it needed a change again. Putting a cannula is quite painful. Not to the doctor, to me, although it must be frustrating for the doctor as well. Sometimes it takes half an hour to put one on. Finding my tiny veins is just like finding the needle in the haystack. He was done on one when mum came back from expressing milk. But she was asked to wait further as one more needed to go in.

29, August,07

Today when mummy came to see me this morning she found me awake. As usual she did my cares and got the chance to cuddle with me. She gave me a big cuddle and lot of kisses.In the evening I welcomed dad, naani and Jasmine with eyes wide open as well. This made their day and they were cheered up.

Doctors told daddy that they plan to start my feed from Friday. This got me cheered up as well. Everybody left a little early today. Today my friend to be Savar's birthday and he celebrates it in paris. Happy birthday SAVAR. I will soon coming home to play with u.

Raksha Bandhan

I am told today is a special day for me. Not only me for Jasmine as well. It is the day of Rakhi. A favourite day for sisters and they wait for the entire year. Jasmine has waited for this day for five years that makes this date a lot more special for her. Of course it will be special for her as she is the one who will get gift for tieing me the Rakhi. On Rakhi day sisters tie a thread on brother's wrist and pray for his long life. Brothers in return promise to be a shield for her in all of her difficulties and more importantly give them gifts. To fulfill all those promises first I need to be strong enough. Jasmine brought a lovely Rakhi for me. She tied it on my wrist with mom's help.On the health front I was very quite due to infection. Infection markers remained high. Mom visited me this afternoon and was lot concern. She was over whelmed with all the information doctors gave and the X-Rays they showed her.

Parents Premonition

Mom and dad were here in the afternoon. They had got used to me crying for last few days. When today I was quite, they had an inkling that something was not right. Dad talked to Bashir, the registrar and told him that I was not looking well. My tummy seemed full and I looked pale. I was very quite. Doctor comforted him saying all was well with me. But fears of dad came true when in the evening he was told on phone that I was having de-sats. X-Rays showed gas in my tummy. I needed oxygen support to get my breathe back.
Task of breathing was not such a hard chore before. Now I am having frequent de-sats and needing external support to breathe. Root of all problems had been found to be a bug that grew today from blood cultures from 24th. All the antibiotics I am having may not be targeting that bug hence I will be given additional drug vancomycin. I have no energy to turn my head, to open my eyes. I dont feel like doing anything.
Mom dad concerned from the happenings of the day were with me late till 1 am this night. Doctor updated them showing the X-rays which showed gases in the abdomen. Also telling them how the cultures had grown a bug. But isn't it strange that technology of X-rays, blood cultures could only corroborate what parents can sometimes see with bare eye.

Still on Dummy.

Nothing new to say. It was another groundhog day. No food to feed on, just a dummy to suck on . Everybody around me thinks I have become a lot irritable these days.
I am either asleep or if I am awake I want my dummy.

Another infection.

Did you think from last two days of photos that what I do is just sleep. No, I am working hard and fighting with the bugs inside my body. Unfortunately I had lost the initial battle. I am infected again. With last five days of anti-biotics course and forced hunger, I was feeling good. Last night daddy went happy that my infection episode was over. Today he was for a shock. This morning I had many de-sats. Desats mean that the oxygen saturation levels in my blood dropped. De-sats are first indication that something is not right. All the checks and tests were done immediately and it was found that my infection markers are high again. Alarm bells rang and I knew what to expect. My feed back to nil. Back to total TPN.
It seems the bug survived through the anti-biotics course and once that was stopped it resurfaced. Doctors had now changed my anti-biotics to target wider range of bugs. But my main concern is that I will be forced on hunger for further five days.
I was also due for my guthrie test today - this is to check for a metabolic imbalance. It's something all newborn babies have done apparently. It is done and now I am awaiting on the results.
With all this going on inside my body I was quite lazy.

Got my feed today

At last I am off anti-biotics and can have some milk feed. They have started with 1ml/hr. One ml doesn't even seem to cross the feeding tube. Although it is being increased during the day. By evening I am on 2 ml. Still it is far from quenching my hunger. For the time being I have to do with the dummy. Mummy was here in the afternoon and she had me for cuddles which I enjoyed. And as always evening was booked to be with Daddy, Jasmine and Naani. They did enjoy my company. Finding me asleep, first thing they did was disturb it. I woke up and found three heads poking into my incubator. One by one I looked at them and they made all those funny faces to get my attention. It was great fun. They did upset me by taking my dummy away. Next time I got it back I made sure to hold it tight in my own hands. I am learning to be a little independent.

Still on hunger strike

Yes they are still forcing me to remain hungry. Doctors broke their promise to give me feed by today. My anti-biotics course is going to end by tomorrow and hope they will feed me then. Otherwise last two days has been boring. Only exciting time is when somebody from home comes. Rest of the day its the fight against the dummy. Jasmine came today in the evening and sung some sangs to me. She has a sweet and soothing voice. I enjoy her songs. Although she doesn't need my compliments as from time to time she gets enough compliments from medical staff. Everybody gives her compliments about her eyes.
On my health front I am puffy again. My weight is doing a see-saw. One day it is up and other day it is down. Although nurse says it is not the fat I am gaining or losing but the fluids. I retain them in my body which increases my weight and makes me puffy.

Completed my two months today.

And I am celebrating it with a hungry tummy. What's the best you can do when you are hungry. Have a long nap. Thats what I did today. To be fair to the doctor's they did change me to the TPN thus giving me more nutrients. I will advise the doctors as well to have a highly nutritious mixture through IV on their birthday and tell me how they enjoyed it :-) .

That's just a dummy

Mom and dad made separate visits today. First it was the turn of mom. She came and found me crying. She gave me top and tail. What is top n tail? Did you never had it. Strange I like it regularly as I want to be always clean. My mom does it for me always. She wipes me with a cotton bud from head to foot. I stink if she don't do it and I don't like that.
Once I was clean and shiny she took me for cuddle. She enjoyed it and so did I. Although I am in a very bad mood these days. And why not I should be? Nobody is giving me anything to feed on. I feel very hungry. Everybody is amused to see me latching to my dummy but its not funny for me. Previously I was confused that I can get something from the dummy as it feels good but then I realised that it is what its name says just a DUMMY. I am having paracetamol to make me sleep and comfort.
In the evening granny, Jasmine and Dad came to see me. I was having my nappy changed so was very upset and crying. Then again dummy was given to me. At least better than nothing. It does sooth me for a little while. I did hold my dad's finger quite hard and he did understand that I am upset. He can't do much as well. I have to wait till wednesday to have my feeds back. Just think of fighting hunger for five days. Can you do even half of that. And you say that I am a preemie uh.

Give me another one

Day 59: Mystery of a cry

When mom came to see me today, she could hear me crying from a distance. She got worried. When she came nearer she found out that bloods were being taken from me for testing. She had to wait outside for that to be finished. It seemed hours to her before she was let near me. She was told that I was settled last night with the help of paracetamol. But as mom, dad jasmine and naani visited I was again crying and complaining. Everybody had their own theory on why I was crying. Sandra said drip might be giving me pain. Dad said I have some kind of pulsating pain as I was crying with regular intervals of one minute. I would be calm for a minute and then cringe for few seconds. Tilting, paracetamol, comforting everything was tried. Then help of registrar Amit Gupta was sought and he has his own little experiment on me. As he touched my tummy I cried. I would cry hard even with the slightest touch. He then put a dummy in my mouth, which I of course took with a big thanks. Now he can put any pressure on my tummy and I wouldn't cry. That proved the theory that I was hungry and not in pain. He further told my parents that as the anti-biotics are showing their affect I was getting my appetite back. He said we preemies are not like adults whose hunger is suppressed if given fluid through IV, for us hunger overrides everything. hungry for last two days... oh mum can understand that very well as she is the one who can't even tolerate missing a single feed. So the mystery was solved.

Day 58: Another Infection

Last night when mom dad went home I had few big desats. And these were not self correcting. I.e. I was not able to get my breathe back on my own. I needed extra help to breathe. This was serious enough to transfer me back to intensive care unit. All the precautionary steps were taken. Lumber puncture, blood tests, stool tests, chest X-ray, abdomen X-ray everything. Although X-rays showed a minor cloud but others were negative. I was still put on anti-biotics as my infection markers were high. My feed gone back to zero.
Today when they came to see me. I was calm and resting. But in an hour I started to have another round of desats. Dad noticed the first one and immediately called the nurse, doctor was nearby as well. All hands were on me, I was resuscitated back to normal breathing. I was unsettled a lot. I kept crying continuously, which made mom upset as well. Nurse put me on my tummy to settle me. And then I had another one. Dad got the attentions of the doctors again and again I was helped back to breathing. If I had another, I was threatened to be sent to hot room. The threat worked and I didn't have another. But I continued to cry to get all the attention. Everything was being done to comfort me but all in vain. I must have cried for hours. I was crying since 2 O clock. Around four I was given calpol in case I was having pain but to no affect again. After some time dad had an idea and asked the nurse to tilt my bed. I was feeling well after that and settled. He was proud of his remedy. His remedy works fine only requirement is you need to have had paracetamol just before that, ha ha...

Day 57: My first Immunisation

I am Eight weeks into this world. I am getting my first immunization today. This world is full of bugs from which I need to be immunized. If I am immunized, I will not be giving others these bugs so you see I am doing public service here as well. I had these injections in both my legs and yes they were painfull.
On the health side though today seemed an off day. I had some desats this morning. I am having some desats for cuple of days now but mostly they are at feed times. Jo says they are reflex related. Reflux is the name they give to when I push my milk back out. I have to do it from time tio time. These people are just chucking the milk straight into my tummy. But I need to taste it. As they are not letting me taste so I force it up into my mouth to taste it myself.
Back to the point. Due to my desats, doctor came to give me a visit. Doctor examined me but found nothing abnormal. I am all fine. I am little pale than before. My hb level is ten, doctors think I can produce my own red blood cells.
My feed is increased to 29 ml/ two hours. I am enjoying my breast feed sessions as well. Whenever top and tail is done on me I know what to expect after that. I open my mouth wide and I am not dissappointed.
Mom's friend Rimpy visited me today and I had a cuddle with her. She said I look lot bigger than when she saw me before.